I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
