yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
