I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
