He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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