i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
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last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
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If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
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