you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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