i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
And then he peed in my hair
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
