There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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