The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
