I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
