dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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