You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
honey bunches of taint.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
