Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
