So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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