Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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