ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
