Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize