I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I need moral support for this bender
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
