I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
