There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
