dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
