I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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