We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
