you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
