just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
