you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
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dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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