just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
