so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss