This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
