my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
