have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Randomize