dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
