I accidentally had phone sex last night
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
