all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
