You're completely useless in the revolution.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
