You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
