how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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