oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
