after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize