Duck Duck Cougar?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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