Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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