someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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