i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
