He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
