i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
