thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
