I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
