Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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