are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
