tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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