Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
