He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
