it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
