i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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