Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
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His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
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I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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