I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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