There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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