If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I FOUND THE LEGS
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
