Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
