lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
