peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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