If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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