brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
