dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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